I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
