I'm passing your future prison.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
