The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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