She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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