the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I don't deserve a penis
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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