my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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