Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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