I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
