Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
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