can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
