Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
