he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
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Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
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I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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