I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
