Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
