She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
