Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
