He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
