I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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