i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I have fence marks all over my body
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize