decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just want nice things and good sex
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
