i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
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