so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
