Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
