Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
