But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
