hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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