I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
