I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
