I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
