it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
