I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
