While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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