I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
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