There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
