three words: i give head
three words: not that well
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
40s are totally the cure
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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