I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
