twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
