I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
