Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
