It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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