The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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