Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
