hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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