Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
