This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
