Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
