Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
