Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
