Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
