Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
