I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
