I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
