God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
