You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
