Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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