i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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