You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We talked him into tasing himself.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
