i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
