I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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