Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
