This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
