rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
