pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
we're chasing vodka with high fives
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
