i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize
