Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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