Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
