I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
