you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
