mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
