Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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