He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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