I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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