p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
