Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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