I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
